To Anyone Who Thinks I'm Crazy Part XVII

Passing out is a strange thing.
One minute you're here.
Then, with a mere cerebral flutter, you're not.
Part of your brain insists you're dead, of course you're not.
Another part says it's better there, in the dark,
Where, exactly, are you?
Somewhere, you hear voices. Urgent voices.
Could you be in limbo?
A thin beam of light calls to you.
Will you reach heaven?
Brighter now, white and beautiful.
You hurry in that direction.
Your eyes agree, and open to discover...
You're back in hell, after all.
What if I wanted to break
Laugh it all off in your face
What would you do?
What if I fell to the floor
Couldn't take all this anymore
What would you do?
Break me down
Bury me
I am finished with you.
What if I wanted to fight
Beg for the rest of my life
What would you do?
You say you wanted more
What are you waiting for
I'm not running from you
Look in my eyes
You're killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you
I tried to be someone else
But nothing seemed to change
I know now, this is who I really am inside
Falling from myself
Falling for a chance
I know now, this is who I really am
How much must I curse your name
And put your beliefs to shame
Before you prove yourself
And end this life?
And I’ll say a fucking prayer
Because I know it won’t be answered
Where is your fucking God?
And even though I don't believe in you
I pray.
I want the hand of God
To come and strike me down
Where is your God?
For the families that waste their time
Open your fucking eyes
If this is where I'll hide
It was built deep inside
Yeah I'm a selfish bastard
But at least I'm not alone
My intentions never change
What I want still stays the same
And I know what I should do
Is understand myself
Was it a dream?
Is this the only evidence that proves
A photograph of you and I
Your reflection I've erased
Like a thousand guns I asked today
Believe me when I say goodbye forever
Is for good
Alright, this is sad sad situation
Hitched a ride, I was so messed up
But I sure was glad to meet ya
You took my heart
And we're both still broken down
But while it looked pretty good on paper
And I come to find out later
That you're insane
Turn me off
I've had enough
I'm better off without anyone
I was wrong
Maybe you should stay away
Now I need a Goddamn vacation
Cause you're insane
I'm self-absorbed
And shallow too
And all I wanted was to
Sleep with you
A basket case
With a handsome face
And I can't take this shit no more
Where is the help
Where is the light
I'm crawling in a haze
I'm making a vow
I'm taking a stand
I'm starting to change my ways
I need to know when its time to go
To a place to be with you
I'm about to walk
I'm about to run
I'm about to lose
Lose my way
I can hardly talk
I can barely see
I'm counting on you
You lead the way
Somebody said your watchin' over me
I find it hard to believe
If I'm hearing you right
I'll give up the fight
And let you have all of me
Be my eyes
oh be my thoughts
be my everything
Its my chance
Its my choice
I fall
The golden walls surround me no more
Though I laugh
I know this ain't no fun at all
Into the maze of pain
My soul is cast, to be raped
Screams
Torment my ears, my fate is here
The dawn no more place
The place of disgrace
Eternal dusk, my eyes are none
Through darkness I stare
My dreams are here...not
Ridden by dark lord
The mare haunts my mind
Dimension of despair
The edge of death
My hands grips - none
The fight is ended
As I'm dying alone and
Lookin' a lot like i just got trampled on
Feelin' a lot like i just can't get up off the ground
No, i can't get up
I was worryin' about how this thing would turn out
Wondering how i could make everything go down my way
It's gotta be that way
Funny how you try to hold so tight
The more it slips away
The closer that you look its all a blur
I need a new today
Won't you...
How did i get here stuck in the middle
I wanna do right
But its easier to think about only me
It could only be
Can i wake up from this life that i'm livin'
Tell me again that it's all forgiven
What You see in me...
Save me
From the selfishness that keeps me far from you
Hold me
'til i know i hear You say
You're not looking for perfection
Just a willingness is fine
You will always have my attention
You just wanna hear me say
Save me

Love,
Evie Dwyn Toushirou
Age 14
WRITTEN: Tuesday, August 04, 2009, 12:47:06 AM