Passing out is a strange thing.
One minute you're here.
Then, with a mere cerebral flutter, you're not.
Part of your brain insists you're dead, of course you're not.
Another part says it's better there, in the dark,
Where, exactly, are you?
Somewhere, you hear voices. Urgent voices.
Could you be in limbo?
A thin beam of light calls to you.
Will you reach heaven?
Brighter now, white and beautiful.
You hurry in that direction.
Your eyes agree, and open to discover...
You're back in hell, after all.
What if I wanted to break
Laugh it all off in your face
What would you do?
What if I fell to the floor
Couldn't take all this anymore
What would you do?
Break me down
Bury me
I am finished with you.
What if I wanted to fight
Beg for the rest of my life
What would you do?
You say you wanted more
What are you waiting for
I'm not running from you
Look in my eyes
You're killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you
I tried to be someone else
But nothing seemed to change
I know now, this is who I really am inside
Falling from myself
Falling for a chance
I know now, this is who I really am
How much must I curse your name
And put your beliefs to shame
Before you prove yourself
And end this life?
And I’ll say a fucking prayer
Because I know it won’t be answered
Where is your fucking God?
And even though I don't believe in you
I pray.
I want the hand of God
To come and strike me down
Where is your God?
For the families that waste their time
Open your fucking eyes
If this is where I'll hide
It was built deep inside
Yeah I'm a selfish bastard
But at least I'm not alone
My intentions never change
What I want still stays the same
And I know what I should do
Is understand myself
Was it a dream?
Is this the only evidence that proves
A photograph of you and I
Your reflection I've erased
Like a thousand guns I asked today
Believe me when I say goodbye forever
Is for good
Alright, this is sad sad situation
Hitched a ride, I was so messed up
But I sure was glad to meet ya
You took my heart
And we're both still broken down
But while it looked pretty good on paper
And I come to find out later
That you're insane
Turn me off
I've had enough
I'm better off without anyone
I was wrong
Maybe you should stay away
Now I need a Goddamn vacation
Cause you're insane
I'm self-absorbed
And shallow too
And all I wanted was to
Sleep with you
A basket case
With a handsome face
And I can't take this shit no more
Where is the help
Where is the light
I'm crawling in a haze
I'm making a vow
I'm taking a stand
I'm starting to change my ways
I need to know when its time to go
To a place to be with you
I'm about to walk
I'm about to run
I'm about to lose
Lose my way
I can hardly talk
I can barely see
I'm counting on you
You lead the way
Somebody said your watchin' over me
I find it hard to believe
If I'm hearing you right
I'll give up the fight
And let you have all of me
Be my eyes
oh be my thoughts
be my everything
Its my chance
Its my choice
I fall
The golden walls surround me no more
Though I laugh
I know this ain't no fun at all
Into the maze of pain
My soul is cast, to be raped
Screams
Torment my ears, my fate is here
The dawn no more place
The place of disgrace
Eternal dusk, my eyes are none
Through darkness I stare
My dreams are here...not
Ridden by dark lord
The mare haunts my mind
Dimension of despair
The edge of death
My hands grips - none
The fight is ended
As I'm dying alone and
Lookin' a lot like i just got trampled on
Feelin' a lot like i just can't get up off the ground
No, i can't get up
I was worryin' about how this thing would turn out
Wondering how i could make everything go down my way
It's gotta be that way
Funny how you try to hold so tight
The more it slips away
The closer that you look its all a blur
I need a new today
Won't you...
How did i get here stuck in the middle
I wanna do right
But its easier to think about only me
It could only be
Can i wake up from this life that i'm livin'
Tell me again that it's all forgiven
What You see in me...
Save me
From the selfishness that keeps me far from you
Hold me
'til i know i hear You say
You're not looking for perfection
Just a willingness is fine
You will always have my attention
You just wanna hear me say
Save me
Love,
Evie Dwyn Toushirou
Age 14
WRITTEN: Tuesday, August 04, 2009, 12:47:06 AM
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Monday, December 28, 2009
To Anyone Who Thinks I'm Crazy Part XVI
I'm not an artist,
I'm a fucking work of art.
I want to go back to Norwood.
It's better there.
Mom blames me.
I blame me.
Sorry, Grandma, I didn't mean to.
I'm a bad person.
Blame me for all the sins.
Blame me for the war.
Blame me for your death.
Blame me.
It always starts the same.
End it all.
End me.
Or, if you want me to, walk me off a bridge.
Krista,
I'll love you forever, bitch.
Kyshya,
I'll love you forever, bitch.
Audrey,
I'll love you forever, you helped me open my eyes.
Tyler F.,
I love you, you were my first best friend.
Tyler H.,
I love you, you're hot.
Trenton,
I love/hate you.
Tyler,
I love you.
Mom,
I love/hate you.
Kent,
I love you.
Haydie,
I ...idk... you.
Mickoli,
I hate you...with a passion.
Valerie,
I'll love you forever, bitch.
Goodbye.
I'll see you if i ever need money.
Have a better life without me.
Love,
Evie Dwyn Toushirou
Age 14
WRITTEN: Thursday, June 23, 2009 4:59:02 PM
I'm a fucking work of art.
I want to go back to Norwood.
It's better there.
Mom blames me.
I blame me.
Sorry, Grandma, I didn't mean to.
I'm a bad person.
Blame me for all the sins.
Blame me for the war.
Blame me for your death.
Blame me.
It always starts the same.
End it all.
End me.
Or, if you want me to, walk me off a bridge.
Krista,
I'll love you forever, bitch.
Kyshya,
I'll love you forever, bitch.
Audrey,
I'll love you forever, you helped me open my eyes.
Tyler F.,
I love you, you were my first best friend.
Tyler H.,
I love you, you're hot.
Trenton,
I love/hate you.
Tyler,
I love you.
Mom,
I love/hate you.
Kent,
I love you.
Haydie,
I ...idk... you.
Mickoli,
I hate you...with a passion.
Valerie,
I'll love you forever, bitch.
Goodbye.
I'll see you if i ever need money.
Have a better life without me.
Love,
Evie Dwyn Toushirou
Age 14
WRITTEN: Thursday, June 23, 2009 4:59:02 PM
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Life's B.S. Alphabet
A-Anarchy
B-Broken
C-Cigarettes
D-Destruction
E-Elections
F-Freedom
G-Gambling
H-Hell
I-Integrity
J-Justice
K-Killing
L-Loss
M-Money
N-Nonprofit
O-Organizations
P-Presidents
Q-Quilting
R-Rock Concerts
S-Stupid People
T-Testosterone
U-Underage Drinking
V-Virgins
W-Washington
Z-Zebras
B-Broken
C-Cigarettes
D-Destruction
E-Elections
F-Freedom
G-Gambling
H-Hell
I-Integrity
J-Justice
K-Killing
L-Loss
M-Money
N-Nonprofit
O-Organizations
P-Presidents
Q-Quilting
R-Rock Concerts
S-Stupid People
T-Testosterone
U-Underage Drinking
V-Virgins
W-Washington
Z-Zebras
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Days Go By, I Still Have No Idea Why
Dangerous path.
Forget my past.
Wasted by drinking booze.
Forget it, I might as well lose.
Kyshya is gone.
I wait for the dawn.
The sun rises,
And I despise this.
My heart is speeding,
You are pleading.
Life and Death.
Present and Theft.
I see no difference.
Jump the fence.
Run on and on
Until you're gone.
To Anyone Who Thinks I'm Crazy Part XV
I must taste good.
Better than candy,
Because I kept you coming back for more.
You pulled me close,
whispered sweet promises,
and loved me until it was too difficult to bear.
Oh baby make it hurt more, you said.
Oh really, I said as I clawed at your shoulders.
I was making it hurt, and you said you liked it.
Well then you returned the favor,
only more vicious...
More evil.
I didn't like it.
You took my screams of pain and fear
As pleasure and happiness.
I trusted you too much.
Trusted you with my innocence.
But what a fool i was to think that you really loved me.
You were the perfect stalker.
Perfect animal.
You once asked me what i was thinking.
And i said, Why me?
You replied, me too.
I was depressed and i needed a shoulder.
Yours was open.
But enough of this bullshit.
Sometimes you fall before you fly.
Sometimes you laugh when you should cry.
Go figure.
When things got messed up,
You wanted to give up.
Nothing seemed right but it turned out fine.
Just when you learned the game of life.
All the rules change overnight.
It seems so wrong to even try,
But taking a chance never felt so right.
Not everything is what it seems.
There's never just one meaning.
When life starts making sense
The world is upside down again.
Angry with myself,
I turn away and mutter something in Chinese.
I used to know what it meant,
But now its just an empty sentence.
I sob and make my nails dig into my palms.
You notice the blood dripping and ask whats wrong.
I freeze in the summer air.
Nothing, I say, nevermind.
I wipe away my tears.
You ask if there is anything you can do.
I answere plainly.
Kill me.
You dont do it of course.
You "love" me too much.
And as I put the gun to my head,
You freeze.
And in the two seconds before I pull the trigger,
My life passes before me.
But I see nothing.
Time passes too quickly...
and its all gone.
Two months later,
at a relatives house,
crying in the bathroom,
Your relative asks whats wrong.
You answer simply,
I'm just missing my other half,
Don't worry,
I'll be fine soon.
And in the two seconds before you pull the trigger,
You see my face and its all gone.
Love,
Mars Grace
Age 14
WRITTEN: Friday, July 10, 2009, 11:48:02 PM
Better than candy,
Because I kept you coming back for more.
You pulled me close,
whispered sweet promises,
and loved me until it was too difficult to bear.
Oh baby make it hurt more, you said.
Oh really, I said as I clawed at your shoulders.
I was making it hurt, and you said you liked it.
Well then you returned the favor,
only more vicious...
More evil.
I didn't like it.
You took my screams of pain and fear
As pleasure and happiness.
I trusted you too much.
Trusted you with my innocence.
But what a fool i was to think that you really loved me.
You were the perfect stalker.
Perfect animal.
You once asked me what i was thinking.
And i said, Why me?
You replied, me too.
I was depressed and i needed a shoulder.
Yours was open.
But enough of this bullshit.
Sometimes you fall before you fly.
Sometimes you laugh when you should cry.
Go figure.
When things got messed up,
You wanted to give up.
Nothing seemed right but it turned out fine.
Just when you learned the game of life.
All the rules change overnight.
It seems so wrong to even try,
But taking a chance never felt so right.
Not everything is what it seems.
There's never just one meaning.
When life starts making sense
The world is upside down again.
Angry with myself,
I turn away and mutter something in Chinese.
I used to know what it meant,
But now its just an empty sentence.
I sob and make my nails dig into my palms.
You notice the blood dripping and ask whats wrong.
I freeze in the summer air.
Nothing, I say, nevermind.
I wipe away my tears.
You ask if there is anything you can do.
I answere plainly.
Kill me.
You dont do it of course.
You "love" me too much.
And as I put the gun to my head,
You freeze.
And in the two seconds before I pull the trigger,
My life passes before me.
But I see nothing.
Time passes too quickly...
and its all gone.
Two months later,
at a relatives house,
crying in the bathroom,
Your relative asks whats wrong.
You answer simply,
I'm just missing my other half,
Don't worry,
I'll be fine soon.
And in the two seconds before you pull the trigger,
You see my face and its all gone.
Love,
Mars Grace
Age 14
WRITTEN: Friday, July 10, 2009, 11:48:02 PM
To Anyone Who Thinks I'm Crazy Part XIV
HILARY DUFF REMIXED MARS STYLE
In a moment everything can change.FOr a minute everything can wait.Can you trust this longing and take control?You can shine.Forget about why you can't,And Start to try.It's your time.All your worries,leave them somewhere else.Reach for something when there's nothing left.Can you hear it calling?Can you hear it in your soul?Open up the part of you that wants to hide away.Feel the wind on your shoulder.Let go of yesterday.I cry like a baby when I dont get my way.I won't apologize when i make a mistake.I got scars on my heart and they won't go away.I'm looking for someone to take them from me.Everybody know I'm a little insane.I try to be normal.I try to put one foot in front of the other.I'm waiting for your love to fall from the sky.I wanna show you me.I'm looking for the savior to save my soul.Everyone knows I just want someone to hold.You think that I'm out of mind,Maybe you're scared to be right.I feel like you don't even know I'm alive.I like the way you never sleep.And the promises you never keep.I like the scar above you lip,the way you let your feelings slip,and they are never what you feel.So fake but completely real.Don't you think its weird.That's what you wanna be.What I like about you is what you like about me.You're there without a plan.That's why you're such a happy woman.I just wanna be with you.Hiding away, losing the day,as if it doesnt really matter.Saying goodbye, scared to say why,afraid it'll shatter our world.Show some faith now.Trust me, somehow.Why are we keeping a secret?Why are we hiding ourselves away?I don't want to fake it.I won't let you hide away.Where do we go?How do we know what we're ever really after?Sometimes its clear,when you are here.Nothing can shatter our world.I want to make you believe what I say.Maybe I'm losing.Maybe I'm okay.Turn around.Look around.Go around in circles.Don't run away.Don't hide away.Don't drift away.Believe what I say.You're a rebel without a cause.A rebel to the first degree.What I'm standing on is sinking in.And I don't have a clue how to get off of it.But when I look at you there is hope.You read between the lines.You can be the one to hold me when I want to cry.Underneath this smile my world is slowly caving in.All the while, I'm still hanging on cause that is all know.Could you be the one to save me from every bad habit that has helped me dig this hole.I have walked this earth with broken bones.I've been keeping secrets under all these lights.When you're around, my defenses go.You don't let me twist and turn the truth.It feels as if I'm naked where I'm standing in the room.Could you be the one to save me??Some stories should never be told.Who all the answers?Who takes all the chances?Who said the truth's gonna save you?When the truth could be dangerous?I say what I have to say.And go where I have to go.I was a law unto myself.Together, nothing was sacred. Together, nothing was safe.Ignorance is bliss.You're safe when you resist.There's no safety in a kiss like this.So kiss me.There were places we would go at midnight.There were secrets that nobody else would know.There's a reason but I don't know why I thought they all belonged to me.Who's that guy?Where's he from?No, he can't be the one that you want, that's stolen my world.It's not real.It's not right.It's my day.It's my night.By the way?Who's that guy living my life?Seems like everythings the same,then i look again and everything has changed.I not dreaming,so I don't know why he's everywhere I want to be.I'm the one who made you laughwho made you feelwho made you sad.I'm not sorry for what we did who we were.I'm not sorry,I'm not him.Everyone knows that I'm ten feet under,until you come along and brighten my day.Everyone knows that you kill the thunderroaring in my brain.It's given me the strength to see right through the haze.Light me up,make me feel alive.You've got what it takes.Only you know how to lift my spirit off the ground,and chase those clouds away.Shine on me today.When everything's wrong,I just pick the phone up.the sound of you voise fills my eyes with tears of joy.'Cause I know you'll be there when I'm hanging by a thread.You're my heaven-sent.You make me feel like I can fly,You're under my wingsso you know I won't freefall out of the sky.You always there to save me.I'm an angel.I'm a devil.I am sometimes in between.I'm as bad as it can getand as good as it can be.Sometimes I'm a million colorsSometimes I'm black and whiteI am all extremes.Try to figure me out.You never can.There's so many things I am.I am special,I am beautiful,I am wonderful,I am powerful,I'm unstoppable,Sometime I'm miserable,At times I'm pitiful...but that's so typical of all the things I am.I'm someone filled with self belief.I've hunted myself down.I got all the answers.I got nothing figured out.I like to beat up myself.I hate to be alone.I am up and i am down.Buth thats part of the thrill,part of the plan.I'm a million contradictions.SOmetimes I make no sense.Sometimes I'm perfect.Sometimes I'm a mess.Sometimes I'm not sure who I am.Here I am again talking to myself,sitting at a red light.Both hands on the wheel,How am I supposed to feel so much running through my mind?First you want to be freeThen you say need me.It's so hard to let you in,Thinking you might slam the breaks again.Put the peddle down, heading out of town,gotta make a getaway.The traffic in my brain's driving me insane.This is more than I can take.you tell me that you love me first,then throw your heart into reverse.I want to let you in,But I don't want you to slam the breaks again.Cry Love,Cry War,Cry Innocence,that is lost forevermore.Cry Joy,Cry Theif,Cry Beautiful,That is just beyond belief.Cry at the end.Cry because all begins again.Here you are.And so am I,And we cry.Cry alone.Cry to me.Cry Freedom,Let yourself be free to shed the tears that have to flow.Hold someone close to you and let them go.Cry Peace,Cry Hate,Cry Faithlessness,But just have a little faith.And we try to be true.Try because we're only passing through.Don't spit on me,and shame yourself,because you wish you were someone else.Haters.Keep your lies out of my reality.Feeling angry and you dont know why?Look me in the eye and tell me the truth.Broken promises, and treaties.Darkened ballads, germinating.Not the haters, just the hated.Traitors.I don't want to save the day,I just want to get my way.You might say I'm the simple type.We're all part of the same parade.Read my lips and watch 'em curl.Don't believe the hype.Hey, girl, can you hear me?I want you to come with me?It could be so beautiful.I found myself today.I found myself and ran away.But something pulled me back.A voice of reason I forgot I had.All I know is you're not here to say what you always used to say.But it's written in the sky tonight.SO I wont give up,I won't break down.Sooner than it seems, life turns around.And I will be strong,even when it all goes wrong.All i know is yesterday is gone,and right now I belong.Hop the fst train out of town.Going fast is going slow.What could have been we'll never know.Then i hear you whisper low,I love you so.Nothing is what it seems when you live inside your dreams.My heart won't crumble If we ever say goodbye.Monye,Love,And jealousy.I will follow where you go.The walls will tumble.One more mile. One more kiss. One more word. One more wish.And I will savor this place call home.I'm not gonna cry if we ever say goodbye.Someday you will find the place.It's the place where love takes over hate.And you'll all the things you do effect everyone around you.Then you see there's no fear at all.You held my hand, we took down that wallAs I looked at you with nothing to say...Now I understand why you pushed me away.I looked far and now I see,that the only one I needed was me.
Love,Mars GraceAge 14
In a moment everything can change.FOr a minute everything can wait.Can you trust this longing and take control?You can shine.Forget about why you can't,And Start to try.It's your time.All your worries,leave them somewhere else.Reach for something when there's nothing left.Can you hear it calling?Can you hear it in your soul?Open up the part of you that wants to hide away.Feel the wind on your shoulder.Let go of yesterday.I cry like a baby when I dont get my way.I won't apologize when i make a mistake.I got scars on my heart and they won't go away.I'm looking for someone to take them from me.Everybody know I'm a little insane.I try to be normal.I try to put one foot in front of the other.I'm waiting for your love to fall from the sky.I wanna show you me.I'm looking for the savior to save my soul.Everyone knows I just want someone to hold.You think that I'm out of mind,Maybe you're scared to be right.I feel like you don't even know I'm alive.I like the way you never sleep.And the promises you never keep.I like the scar above you lip,the way you let your feelings slip,and they are never what you feel.So fake but completely real.Don't you think its weird.That's what you wanna be.What I like about you is what you like about me.You're there without a plan.That's why you're such a happy woman.I just wanna be with you.Hiding away, losing the day,as if it doesnt really matter.Saying goodbye, scared to say why,afraid it'll shatter our world.Show some faith now.Trust me, somehow.Why are we keeping a secret?Why are we hiding ourselves away?I don't want to fake it.I won't let you hide away.Where do we go?How do we know what we're ever really after?Sometimes its clear,when you are here.Nothing can shatter our world.I want to make you believe what I say.Maybe I'm losing.Maybe I'm okay.Turn around.Look around.Go around in circles.Don't run away.Don't hide away.Don't drift away.Believe what I say.You're a rebel without a cause.A rebel to the first degree.What I'm standing on is sinking in.And I don't have a clue how to get off of it.But when I look at you there is hope.You read between the lines.You can be the one to hold me when I want to cry.Underneath this smile my world is slowly caving in.All the while, I'm still hanging on cause that is all know.Could you be the one to save me from every bad habit that has helped me dig this hole.I have walked this earth with broken bones.I've been keeping secrets under all these lights.When you're around, my defenses go.You don't let me twist and turn the truth.It feels as if I'm naked where I'm standing in the room.Could you be the one to save me??Some stories should never be told.Who all the answers?Who takes all the chances?Who said the truth's gonna save you?When the truth could be dangerous?I say what I have to say.And go where I have to go.I was a law unto myself.Together, nothing was sacred. Together, nothing was safe.Ignorance is bliss.You're safe when you resist.There's no safety in a kiss like this.So kiss me.There were places we would go at midnight.There were secrets that nobody else would know.There's a reason but I don't know why I thought they all belonged to me.Who's that guy?Where's he from?No, he can't be the one that you want, that's stolen my world.It's not real.It's not right.It's my day.It's my night.By the way?Who's that guy living my life?Seems like everythings the same,then i look again and everything has changed.I not dreaming,so I don't know why he's everywhere I want to be.I'm the one who made you laughwho made you feelwho made you sad.I'm not sorry for what we did who we were.I'm not sorry,I'm not him.Everyone knows that I'm ten feet under,until you come along and brighten my day.Everyone knows that you kill the thunderroaring in my brain.It's given me the strength to see right through the haze.Light me up,make me feel alive.You've got what it takes.Only you know how to lift my spirit off the ground,and chase those clouds away.Shine on me today.When everything's wrong,I just pick the phone up.the sound of you voise fills my eyes with tears of joy.'Cause I know you'll be there when I'm hanging by a thread.You're my heaven-sent.You make me feel like I can fly,You're under my wingsso you know I won't freefall out of the sky.You always there to save me.I'm an angel.I'm a devil.I am sometimes in between.I'm as bad as it can getand as good as it can be.Sometimes I'm a million colorsSometimes I'm black and whiteI am all extremes.Try to figure me out.You never can.There's so many things I am.I am special,I am beautiful,I am wonderful,I am powerful,I'm unstoppable,Sometime I'm miserable,At times I'm pitiful...but that's so typical of all the things I am.I'm someone filled with self belief.I've hunted myself down.I got all the answers.I got nothing figured out.I like to beat up myself.I hate to be alone.I am up and i am down.Buth thats part of the thrill,part of the plan.I'm a million contradictions.SOmetimes I make no sense.Sometimes I'm perfect.Sometimes I'm a mess.Sometimes I'm not sure who I am.Here I am again talking to myself,sitting at a red light.Both hands on the wheel,How am I supposed to feel so much running through my mind?First you want to be freeThen you say need me.It's so hard to let you in,Thinking you might slam the breaks again.Put the peddle down, heading out of town,gotta make a getaway.The traffic in my brain's driving me insane.This is more than I can take.you tell me that you love me first,then throw your heart into reverse.I want to let you in,But I don't want you to slam the breaks again.Cry Love,Cry War,Cry Innocence,that is lost forevermore.Cry Joy,Cry Theif,Cry Beautiful,That is just beyond belief.Cry at the end.Cry because all begins again.Here you are.And so am I,And we cry.Cry alone.Cry to me.Cry Freedom,Let yourself be free to shed the tears that have to flow.Hold someone close to you and let them go.Cry Peace,Cry Hate,Cry Faithlessness,But just have a little faith.And we try to be true.Try because we're only passing through.Don't spit on me,and shame yourself,because you wish you were someone else.Haters.Keep your lies out of my reality.Feeling angry and you dont know why?Look me in the eye and tell me the truth.Broken promises, and treaties.Darkened ballads, germinating.Not the haters, just the hated.Traitors.I don't want to save the day,I just want to get my way.You might say I'm the simple type.We're all part of the same parade.Read my lips and watch 'em curl.Don't believe the hype.Hey, girl, can you hear me?I want you to come with me?It could be so beautiful.I found myself today.I found myself and ran away.But something pulled me back.A voice of reason I forgot I had.All I know is you're not here to say what you always used to say.But it's written in the sky tonight.SO I wont give up,I won't break down.Sooner than it seems, life turns around.And I will be strong,even when it all goes wrong.All i know is yesterday is gone,and right now I belong.Hop the fst train out of town.Going fast is going slow.What could have been we'll never know.Then i hear you whisper low,I love you so.Nothing is what it seems when you live inside your dreams.My heart won't crumble If we ever say goodbye.Monye,Love,And jealousy.I will follow where you go.The walls will tumble.One more mile. One more kiss. One more word. One more wish.And I will savor this place call home.I'm not gonna cry if we ever say goodbye.Someday you will find the place.It's the place where love takes over hate.And you'll all the things you do effect everyone around you.Then you see there's no fear at all.You held my hand, we took down that wallAs I looked at you with nothing to say...Now I understand why you pushed me away.I looked far and now I see,that the only one I needed was me.
Love,Mars GraceAge 14
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
To Anyone Who Thinks I'm Crazy Part XIII
Kelly Clarkson REMIXED
I'm surrounded by your embrace.
You're my saving grace.
I pray you won't fade away.
You hit me like a ray of sun.
You break through my darkest night.
You pull me back down to the ground again.
I'm never gonna shut you out.
I can feel our souls colliding.
Your skin against mine is so smooth, silk.
Every where I look,
I see your face,
Even in the cruelist of places.
Your love sees the pain through to the end.
I never want to leave you,
Because doing so is just another way to die.
I don't need a man at my side if I got you instead.
Girl, you know I need you to survive.
But...
Love can be a many splendid thing.
A dozen roses,
A diamond ring,
It can make you hear a symphony.
The trouble with love is...
It can tear you up inside,
It doesn't care how fast you fall,
You got no say at all.
I was once a fool.
But now my world is a deeper blue.
I swore my heart would never mend.
But then love is calling out my name.
It's stonger than your pride.
You can't refuse the call.
Every time i turn around,
I think I got it all figured out.
Every story ends the same,
Me standing in the pouring rain.
It makes your heart believe a lie.
Everybody's talking,
but they dont say a thing.
They look at me sad eyes,
but i don't want the sympathy.
Sometimes you can't go back.
Why'd you have to make a mess like that?
Were you left out in the cold?
There's nothing left to say.
Lonely...
Wait for an angel to come in the night,
And shed some sweet light on me.
Then you came to me.
Just when I gave up,
my world came tumbling down,
You're some kind of miracle.
You are a miracle to me.
The look in your eyes is touching my heart.
I found the sweetest salvation in you arms.
You came and just lifted me up.
You brought joy to my heart.
I found love in your arms.
See what you've done to me.
You gave me the love that I need.
I'm getting close to you.
Like a shadow I can't lose.
I know you understand me.
What's up lonely?
Tell me, heartache...
What's it gonna take for you to come home with me?
Sometimes, I wish you were by my side.
I need your shoulder.
I want to leave this broken heart behind.
Can you give me a hand?
I've hung around.
It's getting tough.
I think I'm gonna break soon.
One day I was in the park,
in the rain...
I looked up and you were my sky.
I've been waiting for you...
Be quiet, angel.
No more tears.
Can't you see me?
I've been trying to find my way.
I thought you were just a dream...
Then I saw you next to me in the hallway.
I knew you were for real.
Sweet darling,
Why don't see me like I see you?
I drown in your dreams.
An exquisite extreme.
You are more heaven than a heart can hold.
If I try to save you,
My whole world could cave in.
I don't know what you're after.
But you're just so beautiful.
A beautiful disaster.
You're magic and myth.
You've seen more damage than a soul should see.
Hold on tight.
I don't know...
But you're so beautiful.
If I can hold on through the tears and laughter,
would it be beautiful or a disaster?
I'm longing for love.
I'm waiting for a miracle.
I've been waiting so long.
You're soft to the touch.
I never get enough,
and still you're more than I can take.
You know my soul.
You know my heart.
You know my thoughts.
You know my dreams.
You should know that I love everything about you.
I'm thankful for all the love that you keep bringing in my life.
I love having you around me,
Don't you know?
You make me smile.
I'm thankful for all the heartache and pain.
You make me so strong.
I'm thankful for all the moments we've had together.
So thankful.
Anytime you feel like you can't hold on...
Just hold on to my love,
and I'll help you be strong.
I can reach your heart.
I can't face this world that's keeping us apart.
I can be the one to let you see the world.
Let me be the one.
You're in my heart.
I look into your eyes...
I can't help but want you.
Take all of your fears and cast them all on me,
Cause all I've ever wanted is just to make you see.
Let give you more.
I'm on your side.
There's no way out.
I can't help the way I feel.
I'm the fire.
My love is real.
Anytime you need love...
You know.
I can stand the pain.
I can make it all right.
What if I told you it was meant to be?
Would you believe me?
Would you worry?
Tell me you don't think I'm crazy when I tell that love has come here.
Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this.
I can't believe it's happening to me.
Everything changes,
but love always remains.
I may be dreams,
but till I awake...
Can we make this dream last forever and cherish all the love we share?
Some people search forever for that one special kiss.
I want to know that you'll catch me when I fall.
I wonder how I ever made it through a day in a world in shades of gray.
When i looked into your eyes,
Where the road stretched out in front of me and I realized
I never fell before you touch.
I never needed anyone to make me feel alive,
but then again I wasn't really living before your love.
I never lived before your love.
All my dreams were of castles in the sky.
I stand before you and my heart is in your hand.
I don't know how I survived before your kiss,
because I'd never had a reason to exist.
I don't why the sun decides to shine,
but you breathed your love into me just in time.
I never had a reason to exist before your love.
Love,
Mars Grace
Age 14
Written: UNKNOWN
I'm surrounded by your embrace.
You're my saving grace.
I pray you won't fade away.
You hit me like a ray of sun.
You break through my darkest night.
You pull me back down to the ground again.
I'm never gonna shut you out.
I can feel our souls colliding.
Your skin against mine is so smooth, silk.
Every where I look,
I see your face,
Even in the cruelist of places.
Your love sees the pain through to the end.
I never want to leave you,
Because doing so is just another way to die.
I don't need a man at my side if I got you instead.
Girl, you know I need you to survive.
But...
Love can be a many splendid thing.
A dozen roses,
A diamond ring,
It can make you hear a symphony.
The trouble with love is...
It can tear you up inside,
It doesn't care how fast you fall,
You got no say at all.
I was once a fool.
But now my world is a deeper blue.
I swore my heart would never mend.
But then love is calling out my name.
It's stonger than your pride.
You can't refuse the call.
Every time i turn around,
I think I got it all figured out.
Every story ends the same,
Me standing in the pouring rain.
It makes your heart believe a lie.
Everybody's talking,
but they dont say a thing.
They look at me sad eyes,
but i don't want the sympathy.
Sometimes you can't go back.
Why'd you have to make a mess like that?
Were you left out in the cold?
There's nothing left to say.
Lonely...
Wait for an angel to come in the night,
And shed some sweet light on me.
Then you came to me.
Just when I gave up,
my world came tumbling down,
You're some kind of miracle.
You are a miracle to me.
The look in your eyes is touching my heart.
I found the sweetest salvation in you arms.
You came and just lifted me up.
You brought joy to my heart.
I found love in your arms.
See what you've done to me.
You gave me the love that I need.
I'm getting close to you.
Like a shadow I can't lose.
I know you understand me.
What's up lonely?
Tell me, heartache...
What's it gonna take for you to come home with me?
Sometimes, I wish you were by my side.
I need your shoulder.
I want to leave this broken heart behind.
Can you give me a hand?
I've hung around.
It's getting tough.
I think I'm gonna break soon.
One day I was in the park,
in the rain...
I looked up and you were my sky.
I've been waiting for you...
Be quiet, angel.
No more tears.
Can't you see me?
I've been trying to find my way.
I thought you were just a dream...
Then I saw you next to me in the hallway.
I knew you were for real.
Sweet darling,
Why don't see me like I see you?
I drown in your dreams.
An exquisite extreme.
You are more heaven than a heart can hold.
If I try to save you,
My whole world could cave in.
I don't know what you're after.
But you're just so beautiful.
A beautiful disaster.
You're magic and myth.
You've seen more damage than a soul should see.
Hold on tight.
I don't know...
But you're so beautiful.
If I can hold on through the tears and laughter,
would it be beautiful or a disaster?
I'm longing for love.
I'm waiting for a miracle.
I've been waiting so long.
You're soft to the touch.
I never get enough,
and still you're more than I can take.
You know my soul.
You know my heart.
You know my thoughts.
You know my dreams.
You should know that I love everything about you.
I'm thankful for all the love that you keep bringing in my life.
I love having you around me,
Don't you know?
You make me smile.
I'm thankful for all the heartache and pain.
You make me so strong.
I'm thankful for all the moments we've had together.
So thankful.
Anytime you feel like you can't hold on...
Just hold on to my love,
and I'll help you be strong.
I can reach your heart.
I can't face this world that's keeping us apart.
I can be the one to let you see the world.
Let me be the one.
You're in my heart.
I look into your eyes...
I can't help but want you.
Take all of your fears and cast them all on me,
Cause all I've ever wanted is just to make you see.
Let give you more.
I'm on your side.
There's no way out.
I can't help the way I feel.
I'm the fire.
My love is real.
Anytime you need love...
You know.
I can stand the pain.
I can make it all right.
What if I told you it was meant to be?
Would you believe me?
Would you worry?
Tell me you don't think I'm crazy when I tell that love has come here.
Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this.
I can't believe it's happening to me.
Everything changes,
but love always remains.
I may be dreams,
but till I awake...
Can we make this dream last forever and cherish all the love we share?
Some people search forever for that one special kiss.
I want to know that you'll catch me when I fall.
I wonder how I ever made it through a day in a world in shades of gray.
When i looked into your eyes,
Where the road stretched out in front of me and I realized
I never fell before you touch.
I never needed anyone to make me feel alive,
but then again I wasn't really living before your love.
I never lived before your love.
All my dreams were of castles in the sky.
I stand before you and my heart is in your hand.
I don't know how I survived before your kiss,
because I'd never had a reason to exist.
I don't why the sun decides to shine,
but you breathed your love into me just in time.
I never had a reason to exist before your love.
Love,
Mars Grace
Age 14
Written: UNKNOWN
To Anyone Who Thinks I'm Crazy Part XII
Kiss me beneath the milky twilight.
Strike up the band.
I don't want to be alone.
Don't you see me sparkling?
Take a sharpie and call me yours.
I'm all that you want me to be.
Take me and use me,
love or beat me down.
I don't care,
just hold me close and never die.
I want to be held like a child,
or like a lover.
Whichever.
I want to be told that it's alright.
Eye love rock & roll,
but I love you more.
Krista and Kyshya,
my two wonderful beauties,
marry me, please.
I don't know what I'd do without you.
You've been with me through just about everything.
Now I'm asking you both to die with me,
Live with me,
sing with me,
dance with me,
swim with me
in the skies above us until we all crumble and crack.
Will you commit to me?
Because if I really was in hell...
the only thing I would crave would be you two...
well, and water, of course.
Don't blame me!
It's my heart.
I dream of you both at least once a night...
unless I'm drunk off my ass,
or higher than a kite.
I want you both.
It's not a matter of which of you is my favorite.
I crave you both equally.
You may be thinking I'm a freak...
but I can't help it.
Krista,
I've watched you date Tyler, Tyler, and Teddy.
I was jealous.
I wanted to kill them all...
because I never once got to hold you like they have.
That's why I hate Wesson.
Teddy...
It's impossible to hate him...
and yet I still kinda want to strangle him.
Kyshya,
I've watched you date Zac, and Tyler
(I can't remember if there are more...).
And I really want to murder Zac for doing that to you.
I want to spit on Tyler for I don't Know why.
I was jealous.
I cried when I found out you and Tyler were going out.
And I want to kill your "father" for hurting you like that.
I want to hold you both in my arms until all your pain fades away.
It makes me feel like a coward for not expressing my feelings out loud,
So I'm telling you through this.
I LOVE K+K with all my HEART.
I guess what this all sums up to in the end is this:
I never want to let you go.
Love,
Mars Grace
Age 14
Written: Friday, June 26, 2009, 10:08:56 PM
Strike up the band.
I don't want to be alone.
Don't you see me sparkling?
Take a sharpie and call me yours.
I'm all that you want me to be.
Take me and use me,
love or beat me down.
I don't care,
just hold me close and never die.
I want to be held like a child,
or like a lover.
Whichever.
I want to be told that it's alright.
Eye love rock & roll,
but I love you more.
Krista and Kyshya,
my two wonderful beauties,
marry me, please.
I don't know what I'd do without you.
You've been with me through just about everything.
Now I'm asking you both to die with me,
Live with me,
sing with me,
dance with me,
swim with me
in the skies above us until we all crumble and crack.
Will you commit to me?
Because if I really was in hell...
the only thing I would crave would be you two...
well, and water, of course.
Don't blame me!
It's my heart.
I dream of you both at least once a night...
unless I'm drunk off my ass,
or higher than a kite.
I want you both.
It's not a matter of which of you is my favorite.
I crave you both equally.
You may be thinking I'm a freak...
but I can't help it.
Krista,
I've watched you date Tyler, Tyler, and Teddy.
I was jealous.
I wanted to kill them all...
because I never once got to hold you like they have.
That's why I hate Wesson.
Teddy...
It's impossible to hate him...
and yet I still kinda want to strangle him.
Kyshya,
I've watched you date Zac, and Tyler
(I can't remember if there are more...).
And I really want to murder Zac for doing that to you.
I want to spit on Tyler for I don't Know why.
I was jealous.
I cried when I found out you and Tyler were going out.
And I want to kill your "father" for hurting you like that.
I want to hold you both in my arms until all your pain fades away.
It makes me feel like a coward for not expressing my feelings out loud,
So I'm telling you through this.
I LOVE K+K with all my HEART.
I guess what this all sums up to in the end is this:
I never want to let you go.
Love,
Mars Grace
Age 14
Written: Friday, June 26, 2009, 10:08:56 PM
To Anyone Who Thinks I'm Crazy Part XI
Breaking through the surface of the boiling water,
I see God.
He's crying.
Gods aren't supposed to cry.
What the ...Hell.
It can't be God.
God isn't here.
It's a trick.
But I feel fine.
No pain...Yet.
No one's laughing in my ears.
Suddenly I feel gentle hands pull me free.
I'm no longer binded to the Devil.
I've been given a second chance.
Free.
Laying naked in the streets.
I look to the sky.
Rain splatters onto my steaming skin,
cooling and refreshing,
wiping away the sins of my past.
Nausea wracks at my mind.
Nowhere to go,
nowhere to turn.
Alone in the alleyways of my old town.
I see familiar faces,
but do they see me?
Kyshya and Krista,
walking down the streets.
They look sad.
I wonder.
A set of clothes appear at my side.
Quickly dressing,
I run out to them.
They look as if they've seen a ghost.
"What? It's me?
Don't you love me, anymore?"
tears.
"W-we just buried you!?"
Krista starts shaking.
"Is it really you?"
Kish, how good to see you!
"YES!"
"how is it you're alive!?"
Krista, darling, I love you.
"I was being drowned in lava,
down in hell,
when I was suddenly taken away,
and given a second chance.
It was horrible."
Cries.
In the arms of my...
there's no word to describe how much I love these women.
"We'll take care of you."
In unison.
I turn as a truck passes,
honking its horn.
Visions of Hell make me flinch,
Scream.
"What is it?"
Kyshya, I love you too.
"Don't make me go back!"
I fall to my knees.
I can still feel ghosts of the pain.
"Honey, you look like crap."
Thanks, K-Sta.
"I may be dead, but I'm still pretty."
Laugh.
My first laugh as a Reborn.
"Are you hungry?"
"Starving."
Grumble grumble.
As they feed my completely empty stomach,
Visions of Hell are stronger than ever.
They had fed me hot coals,
bleach,
Draino,
oil,
gas,
nitrogen,
and things I can't even describe.
Hell is a place no one should have to go to.
I wish I could say that things like that in...
Hell...
Never happened to anyone.
But people feel it everyday down there.
Love,
Mars Grace, Reborn
Age 14
Written:June 14, 2009, 11:56:00 AM
I see God.
He's crying.
Gods aren't supposed to cry.
What the ...Hell.
It can't be God.
God isn't here.
It's a trick.
But I feel fine.
No pain...Yet.
No one's laughing in my ears.
Suddenly I feel gentle hands pull me free.
I'm no longer binded to the Devil.
I've been given a second chance.
Free.
Laying naked in the streets.
I look to the sky.
Rain splatters onto my steaming skin,
cooling and refreshing,
wiping away the sins of my past.
Nausea wracks at my mind.
Nowhere to go,
nowhere to turn.
Alone in the alleyways of my old town.
I see familiar faces,
but do they see me?
Kyshya and Krista,
walking down the streets.
They look sad.
I wonder.
A set of clothes appear at my side.
Quickly dressing,
I run out to them.
They look as if they've seen a ghost.
"What? It's me?
Don't you love me, anymore?"
tears.
"W-we just buried you!?"
Krista starts shaking.
"Is it really you?"
Kish, how good to see you!
"YES!"
"how is it you're alive!?"
Krista, darling, I love you.
"I was being drowned in lava,
down in hell,
when I was suddenly taken away,
and given a second chance.
It was horrible."
Cries.
In the arms of my...
there's no word to describe how much I love these women.
"We'll take care of you."
In unison.
I turn as a truck passes,
honking its horn.
Visions of Hell make me flinch,
Scream.
"What is it?"
Kyshya, I love you too.
"Don't make me go back!"
I fall to my knees.
I can still feel ghosts of the pain.
"Honey, you look like crap."
Thanks, K-Sta.
"I may be dead, but I'm still pretty."
Laugh.
My first laugh as a Reborn.
"Are you hungry?"
"Starving."
Grumble grumble.
As they feed my completely empty stomach,
Visions of Hell are stronger than ever.
They had fed me hot coals,
bleach,
Draino,
oil,
gas,
nitrogen,
and things I can't even describe.
Hell is a place no one should have to go to.
I wish I could say that things like that in...
Hell...
Never happened to anyone.
But people feel it everyday down there.
Love,
Mars Grace, Reborn
Age 14
Written:June 14, 2009, 11:56:00 AM
To Anyone Who Thinks I'm Crazy Part X
System Of A Down Remixed and Romanticized
What do i feel?
What do I do?
What do I say?
In the end it all goes away!
Some people call it insane!
I sit in my empty room.
No lights.
No music.
Fuck you!
I play Russian Roulette everyday,
Yeah, with a bullet called life.
Shit!
Now I'm locked away forever.
I'm trying to assemble a penitentiary.
I'm trying to kill the people.
I'm trying to break out of prison.
I'm trying to destroy your mind.
I'm trying to understand your words.
Drugs are my vice.
My force is the source of all creation.
WAR!
Fuck the system.
I need to fuck the system.
We all need to fuck the system.
Put on a little makeup.
I don't think you trust in my self-righteous suicide.
I cry and angels deserve to die.
Fuck you.
I found you...crawling away from me.
I commend my spirit.
Why have you forsaken me?
Please trust in my self-righteous suicide.
Swimming through the void,
we lose ourselves.
We always want to go
but we never want to stay.
We always want to win
but we never want to lose.
Free my life.
Life is a waterfall,
we all drink from the water then we turn around and build up our walls.
So up high...
When you free your life,
you burn your lies.
We don't need to multiply.
Too many lives on one rock.
Welcome to America and all our brutality.
Service with a smile.
I like to push the merry-go-round.
The little boy smiled
and said, "Don't make me kill you, again."
Distorted figures in my head.
The schizo breaks free,
takes over my mind.
screaming for help,
I cry.
My insides have turned to ash.
This is not my life.
This not my home.
This is not me.
I hate this.
I'm burning alive.
Flames lick their way up my spine.
My feet turn to ash.
My tears are cinders.
Screaming inside and out,
I need water.
But instead I get ice.
Too cold.
Too hot.
Too much.
My insides are blocks of ice.
My toes turn black.
I try to move.
My feet fall off.
Everything turns to slush.
I go down the drain that's under my metatarsals.
Heaven's ruler decends upon me,
laughs in my face.
I'm denied entrance.
The Underworld's master takes me with a smile.
"Welcome to fucking hell!
Glad to finally meet you!
You'll be taken to the 'eternal pain' section!"
Snakes bite into my neck,
their poison makes me shriek.
Squeezing my air supply dry,
I claw at the squirming binds.
A whip snaps against my back.
Knives take away my metacarpals.
Goodbye hands.
Goodbye feet.
Goodbye life.
Goodbye me.
The Devil meets me eye to eye.
"Thirsty?" Smirk.
"PLEASE STOP!"
I try to cry but there are no tears.
He laughs and cuts out my tongue.
"DRINK THAT!"
He slaps me.
Screaming at the pain,
But gratefully drink the blood.
Wires replace the binds.
Tearing into
my flesh
my limbs
my heart
my lungs
my stomach
my intestines
all on the floor of this flaming hell.
I'd do anything to be able to breathe.
My body is suddenly whole.
I try to run.
But running isn't possible in hell.
The Devil giggles like a school-girl
as he shoves bleach down my throat.
It burns.
Cursed fire sets aflame my body once again.
"FUCK YOU! MAKE IT ALL GO AWAY!"
Sheets of icy silk take away the pain.
It feels as if I'm floating in water.
Opening my eyes I see a bright light.
I go towards it,
even though you yell not to.
Relief as I reach the orb.
But then the pain is back
and the Devil had tricked me.
no more hope left.
No more.
Eternity is a long time for people in hell.
Love,
M. C. Grace
Age 14
Written: Saturday, June 13, 2009, 9:29:48 PM
What do i feel?
What do I do?
What do I say?
In the end it all goes away!
Some people call it insane!
I sit in my empty room.
No lights.
No music.
Fuck you!
I play Russian Roulette everyday,
Yeah, with a bullet called life.
Shit!
Now I'm locked away forever.
I'm trying to assemble a penitentiary.
I'm trying to kill the people.
I'm trying to break out of prison.
I'm trying to destroy your mind.
I'm trying to understand your words.
Drugs are my vice.
My force is the source of all creation.
WAR!
Fuck the system.
I need to fuck the system.
We all need to fuck the system.
Put on a little makeup.
I don't think you trust in my self-righteous suicide.
I cry and angels deserve to die.
Fuck you.
I found you...crawling away from me.
I commend my spirit.
Why have you forsaken me?
Please trust in my self-righteous suicide.
Swimming through the void,
we lose ourselves.
We always want to go
but we never want to stay.
We always want to win
but we never want to lose.
Free my life.
Life is a waterfall,
we all drink from the water then we turn around and build up our walls.
So up high...
When you free your life,
you burn your lies.
We don't need to multiply.
Too many lives on one rock.
Welcome to America and all our brutality.
Service with a smile.
I like to push the merry-go-round.
The little boy smiled
and said, "Don't make me kill you, again."
Distorted figures in my head.
The schizo breaks free,
takes over my mind.
screaming for help,
I cry.
My insides have turned to ash.
This is not my life.
This not my home.
This is not me.
I hate this.
I'm burning alive.
Flames lick their way up my spine.
My feet turn to ash.
My tears are cinders.
Screaming inside and out,
I need water.
But instead I get ice.
Too cold.
Too hot.
Too much.
My insides are blocks of ice.
My toes turn black.
I try to move.
My feet fall off.
Everything turns to slush.
I go down the drain that's under my metatarsals.
Heaven's ruler decends upon me,
laughs in my face.
I'm denied entrance.
The Underworld's master takes me with a smile.
"Welcome to fucking hell!
Glad to finally meet you!
You'll be taken to the 'eternal pain' section!"
Snakes bite into my neck,
their poison makes me shriek.
Squeezing my air supply dry,
I claw at the squirming binds.
A whip snaps against my back.
Knives take away my metacarpals.
Goodbye hands.
Goodbye feet.
Goodbye life.
Goodbye me.
The Devil meets me eye to eye.
"Thirsty?" Smirk.
"PLEASE STOP!"
I try to cry but there are no tears.
He laughs and cuts out my tongue.
"DRINK THAT!"
He slaps me.
Screaming at the pain,
But gratefully drink the blood.
Wires replace the binds.
Tearing into
my flesh
my limbs
my heart
my lungs
my stomach
my intestines
all on the floor of this flaming hell.
I'd do anything to be able to breathe.
My body is suddenly whole.
I try to run.
But running isn't possible in hell.
The Devil giggles like a school-girl
as he shoves bleach down my throat.
It burns.
Cursed fire sets aflame my body once again.
"FUCK YOU! MAKE IT ALL GO AWAY!"
Sheets of icy silk take away the pain.
It feels as if I'm floating in water.
Opening my eyes I see a bright light.
I go towards it,
even though you yell not to.
Relief as I reach the orb.
But then the pain is back
and the Devil had tricked me.
no more hope left.
No more.
Eternity is a long time for people in hell.
Love,
M. C. Grace
Age 14
Written: Saturday, June 13, 2009, 9:29:48 PM
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