To Anyone Who Thinks I'm Crazy Part I

Introduction: This is for anyone that thinks I'm crazy. Enjoy.

The tears didn’t even give me a warning before they drowned me.
I bit my arm to stop myself from screaming.
You say I'm crazy...
But really, you have no idea.
The walls start to melt
And you finally know what I am.
I am nothing.
I am a dream.
I don't exist in you're reality.
So close the blinds and go to sleep,
When you wake up again,
I'll be gone,
but not fully.
I'll be waiting for you in the back of your mind.
Don't be frightened.
I'm not scared,
but you are.
Laugh through your tears of hatred.
Dear, you're alright.
I'm not one to be messed with.
So forget about your plans of war.
Let us forget about all this war and disease
and dance in the light of the sun.
Is there anyone that can hear my song?
Is there a man, woman or child there that can understand my cry?
Is this my fate?
To die only as a pitiful dream of a stranger?
Am I never meant to be literally free?
Tell me so I can die on my own terms.
So That God can come down from Heaven
and take us away on a puffy cloud, smiling.
I want to live until I've seen it all.
I want to fall in love and die a happy woman.
I want to have a child of my own.
I want, I want, I want.
I may be greedy, but at least I'm not selfish.
Hugs and kisses aren't enough to make my pain go away.
Nor a hospital stay.
I'll will be insane until I say so.
Don't try and stop me,
because you won't win.
Nothing can stop me from dreaming,
unless you're willing to take my life
just like you took my freedom.
Why are you so mean?
You tell me what to do and make me do things that have no meaning.
You know I will never rest until I've won.
I am just as stubborn,
so bring it.
I guarantee that you won't make it out alive.
I'm an outcast,
and outcasts know what's real and what's fake...
Guess what?
You're fake and truth always rules out the false.
My scars are worse then yours.
You look at my arms and protest.
I meant the emotional scars.
You've no idea what damage you've done.
I'm broken and bleeding on the floor,
but all you see is my outward appearance...
I may look like a normal child...
Truly and surely I'm crazy.
They say crazy people don't know they're crazy...
I'm crazy and I know it.
Maybe i'm an alien with major family issues?
Now I'm the odd girl out.
The music hurts my ears,
but it's better than your hurtful words.
The liqour helps some.
And rocking the boat doesn't mean what it used to.
Times have changed and no one cares.
Like the incubus that lurks beneath the water,
he draws me towards him as trouble did you.
Why do I love that about you?
You're trouble and I know it.
You don't see me, though.
I'm just a girl.
And there are better fish in the sea.
Everything is different now,
and yet I still carry on.
It's all in my mind.
What a foolish teenager I am!
I know more than a regular teacher and yet...
I haven't found any way to escape my prison.
Nobody is happy.
Everybody...HIDE.
I'm an outcast in my own family.
This is the part where you get scared.
She never stops.
She goes on and on.
About her life that is stealing her soul.
She's being sucked into the darkness of depression.
She closes the holy book of lies,
denying to herself of what she thought happened.
My eyes are open wide,
and yet I don't see what you see.
I've made it through another day, at least.
I've hit you back.
I curse God for giving me such a shitty life.
I don’t believe in God.
but I believe in something close to what God is supposed to be.
God is the force of anything that keeps everything in balance.
God balances out good and evil with Satan.
They’re not enemies,
they’re business partners.
They work together to keep the world balanced.
Maybe that's what I am.
Maybe I'm just an empty weight on the scale of the world...
I'm just here to keep the world more balanced.
What if I were to remove myself from this scale?
But I won't.
I'll find a reason to survive.
I'll find myself an anchor.
I won't give in on any side.
I'll scrape my knees and bend the rules without following them.
I'll do whatever I can to live my own life.
I will not die a horrible death.
I will not be hospitalized throughout my childhood.
I will love my friends with all my heart
and my family with whatever's left.
I'll be everything for someone I hold dear.
I will reckless
and I will be perfect as is.
Don't forget...I'm an outcast.
And I am unbeaten.
And I am blessed with a curse.
You thought I was done.
But you are sorely mistaken, my friend.
Have you forgotten?
This is a story of a girl struggling to just get through the vast confusions in her own head
and be able to function like a normal [human] girl.
I do anything to keep my mind wandering from wondering what I’m missing.
You never really realize what you got ‘til it’s gone.
In the light of the sun,
is there anyone?
All that has begun.
Oh but dear, you look so lost.
You don’t know me.
You don’t even care.
He wears his heart safety-pinned to his backpack.
His backpack is all that he knows.
Shot down by strangers,
with glances that can cripple the heart and devour the soul.
All alone he turns to stone,
while holding his breath half to death.
Terrified of what’s inside,
to save his life,
he crawls like a worm from a bird.
Celebrities will never die.
Because they’re famous.
No matter what…
their lives will never be forgotten.
Only time can forget.
I’M NOT ON THE FLOOR.
AND I’M NOT SURROUNDED.
I’M not WAITING!
I'm LOSTFIND ME!
Why are you WAITING to find me?
I could be dead and you wouldn't even care.
My dad’s a drunk.
My mother is a workaholic.
My step father is crippled.
My step sister is a DIP.
My brother is HYPER.
My big brother wants to be a nanotechnician.
My step brother is the biggest asshole in history.
And I’m stuck.
Nice to meet you.
If vodka was water and I was a duck,
I’d swim to the bottom and never come up.
but vodka’s not water and I’m not a duck.
So slide me a bottle and shut the fuck up.
I feel so used because of you.
I solemnly swear that I am up to no fucking good.
I’ve been so love struck,
now I’m just fucked up.
I wish life was as simple as Lady and the Tramp...
or as complicated as Thirteen.
Even after you’re gone,
dreams last for so long,
even after you’re gone.
Why did you leave me?
Why can’t you believe me?
The blade of Sin,
Don’t give in.
Rain falls and falls.
Can’t you hear my calls?
Listen.
Look at the glisten
Of my tears.
The years
Go by
And you don’t know why.
It’s one minute to midnight
Stand up and Fight.
Look through the bloody Mist.
Don’t you See.
It’s Me.
I’m with You…
Through the Thick
And through the Thin.
You can’t Win.
I Love You.
And there is Nothing
You can do about It.
You are the dreamer,
We are the dream.
Sometimes you take chances,
Sometimes we take pills.
Last year’s wishes,
Are this year’s apologies.
Afraid of dying here alone.
Aren't you scared yet?
Blue eyes are blue skies trapped for all to see.
Burn me away.
Now I'm Burnt to a crazy crisp.
I'm alone in my Circle of doubt.
DOn't you see?
I'm Driven with insanity.
I have a Heart of Wooden steel.
Here I am on the floor and you're nowhere to be found.
She eats Her last meal.
I dare you to stare back.
If heaven exists and If hell broke loose.
If you were me, you'd go crazy too.
I look into the opaque nothingness and won't rest until I've found you again.
I see you're hiding from me, but I see through you.
Then I'll Leave you here.
I'll write on your tombstone:
"Love to the perished clown whom we all loved dearly."
I See the light in your eyes.
You bleed the truth.
You see the truth in my eyes.
You are the truth.
Tear for my beloved.
When I found you missing me...
Would you listen?
You know what really bugs me?
Is that you really have no clue,
so you accuse me of being insane.
You can't win.
I've said it before.
Just remember this one thing...

You can’t break the silence of noise.

Love,Marriännè Catherine Grace
Age 14
Written: Sunday, May 10th, 2009 6:05:19 PM